Last week I was playing Melee at my local Lan Center, a special guest was apparently there but I wasn't sure who it was. As The TO called for signups I leaped at the chance to give him my Two bucks so I could play my favorite video game of all time, I was all signed up and since this was one of my first tournaments I was the lowest seed in my bracket. I didn't sweat it because I knew they were just underestimating me, I had to play some scrub round one and bopped him game one and even four stocked him game two! I was pumped, I ran to the TO to report my match and he said to me, "good job, but have fun playing Homemadewaffles," I had no clue who this was at the time since I had never been to a tournament and hadn't called the pro scene at all. I asked a couple of people around the venue and they said he was super good and was know to do what is called Self-commentating where he commentates the match he is playing in. This confused me cause I had never heard of it, but I didn't let it discourage me, I went to find the man known as Homemadewaffles, I walked up to him and told him we had to play, he said to me "aight but we bout to do it on stream dawg," I replied and told him that was fine and that I wouldn't let his shenanigans get to me. We approached the setup sat down and he decides to make a fool of himself and pick pichu, I asked him are you sure? And he replied yeah you bout to get bopped by this godlike pichu, and laughed and shrugged it off knowing I would steal game one from this clown, as the match started I approached him with a short hop lazer into a waveshine he powershielded the lazer back at me and begin to combo the hell out of me, my eyes widened I couldn't believe what was happening! I was down to my last stock and I hadn't hit him once! I was extremely triggered at this point and that was when I about gave up. And as the game ended and he Jv'5 stocked me I heard a delusional homemade waffles scream, "UNPLUG YOUR CONTROLLER DAWG, FORFEIT MY N WORD!" I proceeded to do as the man said, with anger, the GameCube slammed to the ground as I did so. Everyone began gasping and the owner of the GameCube walked over with his fists clinched, as I was rolling up my controller cord and unzipping my backpack the nerdy individual who was sprinting towards me yelled, "DUDE THAT WAS MY CUBE THAT I'VE HAD SINCE I WAS SIX!" I then slowly reached into my backpack and pulled out a bottle of bleach I had just bought at my local dollar tree that morning as a meme, I then spout out my final words "FALCO IS VIABLE" I then proceeded to chug the bleach. As I was chugging I felt my body quake and heard screaming and then the nerdy owner of the cube speared me straight through the crowd and the bottle flew from my hands spilling all over the CRT's. My name is Jonathan, and this is how I killed melee.
